End Teen Suicide

by Iris M. Bolton

Hundreds of books have been written about loss and grief. Few have addressed the aftermath of suicide for survivors. Here again, there are no answers; only suggestions from those who have lived through and beyond the event. I've compiled their thoughts.

1. Know you can survive. You may not think so, but you can.

2. Struggle with "why" it happened until you no longer need to know "why" or until you are satisfied with partial answers.

3. Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but all your feelings are normal.

4. Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy; you are in mourning.

5. Be aware you may feel appropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself. It's okay to express it.

6. You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Guilt can turn into regret, through forgiveness.

7. Having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on those thoughts.

8. Remember to take one moment or one day at a time.

9. Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone if you need to talk.

10. Don't be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.

11. Give yourself time to heal.

12. Remember, the choice was not yours. No one is the sole influence in another's life.

13. Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece.

14. Try to put off major decisions.

15. Give yourself permission to get professional help.

16. Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.

17. Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.

18. Set your own limits and learn to say no.

19. Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.

20. Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends or Survivors of Suicide groups. If not, ask a professional to help start one.

21. Call on your personal faith to help you through.

22. It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep.

23. The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing.

24. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting.

25. Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.

From Dunne, E.J., McIntosh, J.L., Dunne-Maxim, K. (1987). Suicide and its aftermath: Understanding and counseling the survivors, Appendix C, pp. 289-290, permission given without copyright infringement for use in therapy and self-help groups.

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		Beyond Surviving \| Web Sites Beyond Surviving: Suggestions for Survivors by Iris M. Bolton Hundreds of books have been written about loss and grief. Few have addressed the aftermath of suicide for survivors. Here again, there are no answers; only suggestions from those who have lived through and beyond the event. I've compiled their thoughts. 1. Know you can survive. You may not think so, but you can. 2. Struggle with "why" it happened until you no longer need to know "why" or until you are satisfied with partial answers. 3. Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but all your feelings are normal. 4. Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy; you are in mourning. 5. Be aware you may feel appropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself. It's okay to express it. 6. You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Guilt can turn into regret, through forgiveness. 7. Having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on those thoughts. 8. Remember to take one moment or one day at a time. 9. Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone if you need to talk. 10. Don't be afraid to cry. Tears are healing. 11. Give yourself time to heal. 12. Remember, the choice was not yours. No one is the sole influence in another's life. 13. Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece. 14. Try to put off major decisions. 15. Give yourself permission to get professional help. 16. Be aware of the pain of your family and friends. 17. Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand. 18. Set your own limits and learn to say no. 19. Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel. 20. Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends or Survivors of Suicide groups. If not, ask a professional to help start one. 21. Call on your personal faith to help you through. 22. It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep. 23. The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing. 24. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting. 25. Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving. From Dunne, E.J., McIntosh, J.L., Dunne-Maxim, K. (1987). Suicide and its aftermath: Understanding and counseling the survivors, Appendix C, pp. 289-290, permission given without copyright infringement for use in therapy and self-help groups. ^ Back to Top Web Sites Providing substance abuse and Behavioral health services throughout the Denver Metro area: www.arapahoehouse.org Providing substance abuse services in Jefferson County (Click here and do a search for substance abuse): www.co.jefferson.co.us Provides services to Children and their Families living in Jefferson County to achieve safety, permanency and self-sufficiency. www.co.jefferson.co.us Mental Health Services for Gilpin, Clear Creek and Jefferson Counties: www.jcmh.org Uninsured or Underinsured Mental Health services: www.thesecondwindfund.org ^ Back to Top			Is Someone You Know Thinking About Suicide? Most of the time, a suicidal person will show signs that they are in trouble and thinking about taking their own life. When a person is suicidal, they do NOT want to end their life; they want to end their pain! 1. Talking about suicide, death, or preoccupation with dying. 2. Trouble eating or sleeping (i.e., sleeping all the time or not able to sleep at all, not able to eat or overeating). 3. Significant changes in behavior and/or personality. 4. Withdrawal from friends or family. 5. Loss of interest in activities, work, school, hobbies, or social interactions. 6. Giving away prized possessions. 7. Previous suicide attempts. 8. Taking unnecessary risks. 9. Increased use of drugs or alcohol. 10. Statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness. 11. Sudden happiness or calmness following a depressed mood. 12. Obsession with suicidal means (i.e., guns, knives, hanging materials). 13. Problems in school or work performance. 14. Chronic pain or frequent complaints of physical symptoms. 15. An inability to concentrate, trouble remembering things. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS SUICIDAL, ASK FOR HELP FROM AN ADULT. CALL 1-800-273-TALK (8255) OR THE CLOSEST MENTAL HEALTH CENTER. IF THE RISK IS IMMEDIATE, CALL 911.